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Jan 11 2013
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Article, Decisions, Family Issues Today, Happiness, Insight, Life, Love, Personal, Self Awareness, This & That, Thoughts, Toxic Relationships,

Letting Go…

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The following article hits especially close to home for me because many years now (decades actually); I have tried to have a loving relationship with my sister. It has been mostly a tiresome and extremely hurtful journey for me so recently I made the decision to let her go. I read something once that spoke to dysfunctional family relationships and it explained that just because people are your family, it does not give them the right (or allowance) to mistreat you & cross boundaries time and time again. This made perfect sense to me due to the fact I feel very strongly that family should care for you, love you unconditionally. Shouldn’t family members be a source of support, security and comfort and offer a safe place for you to fall when times get tough? I think so, and I have lived my life treating my sister as a precious gem only to be rejected by her time and time again. There have been times I have questioned what’s so wrong with me that my sister chooses to treat me so disrespectfully? Well, I now know that although I’ve not been perfect, I have given our relationship my all and then some. I am given out. I now have made the decision to sit back and what will be, will be. If she chooses to reconnect with me, I will always be there with open arms to welcome her back into my life; but the relationship we’ve carried on in the past is not an acceptable one. Boundaries will be set and therefore reinforced. I do pray our estrangement comes to an end with much hope, sooner rather than later.

 

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

~Unknown

 At the end of my first long-term relationship in college, when it was clear there was nothing left to salvage, I told a mutual friend that I “had to make it work.”

The idea of moving on seemed incomprehensible. I’d invested three years. We’d loved each other, laughed together; hurt each other, grown together. I was young and I made him my everything. How could I possibly let go of us when my own identity was inextricably wrapped in our pairing?

The friend told me I talked as if we were married with kids. I didn’t have to make it work. There was no good reason to stay other than my resistance to the pain of leaving.

How do you ever know when it’s time to walk away from anyone? It always feels so much safer to stay—in a friendship, a romance, and especially a relationship with a family member.

It’s hard to wrap our heads around the idea that love often means letting go. We can still have feelings for someone and recognize that the relationship is irreparable. Sometimes moving on is the best way to love ourselves.

It’s a choice to set two people free instead of continually reliving the same arguments, denying the same incompatibility, and opening the same wounds knowing full well they’ll only heal with time and space.

But the truth is there are no simple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed.

It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying.

But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated.

How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good.

We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away.

 

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Lori Deschene

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Jan 10 2013
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10 Thoughts, Inspiration, Life, Lists, Motivation, Self Awareness, This & That, Thoughts

10 Thoughts On Mindful Living In 2013

1. Make this the year you follow through.

 

2. INVIGORATE BODY AND MIND: EXERCISE UNTIL YOUR BODY SOARS.

 

3. Other people may have opinions about where your life is headed, but only you have the power to prove them wrong.

 

4. The path to fearless living goes straight through the roadblocks, NOT AROUND THEM.

 

5. SEEK OUT FOODS THAT SUSTAIN, NOURISH AND WARM YOU.

 

6. Creativity goes beyond sheer artistry; IT TAKES COURAGE TO EXPRESS YOUR IDEAS.

 

7. Disagreements offer invaluable insights. Don’t avoid them-study them.

 

8. To truly detoxify your lifestyle, think about what you can add in, NOT JUST TAKE OUT.

 

9. The coziest homes aren’t merely filled with stuff; THEY’RE DESIGNED TO BRING PEOPLE CLOSER.

 

10. An ending doesn’t have to be sad. IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BEGIN SOMETHING NEW.

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Jan 09 2013
2 Comments
Humor, Life, Quotes, Random Thoughts, This & That, Thoughts

Just For Laughs…

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“I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I’ve got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

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Jan 09 2013
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Articles, Change, Inspiration, Life, Motivation, Poetry, This & That, Thoughts

The Paradox of Our Age

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“The Paradox of Our Age”

by Bob Moorehead, Words Aptly Spoken

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints; we spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less; we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, yet less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; we have more gadgets but less satisfaction; more medicine, yet less wellness; we take more vitamins but see fewer results. We drink too much; smoke too much; spend too recklessly; laugh too little; drive too fast; get too angry quickly; stay up too late; get up too tired; read too seldom; watch TV too much and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values; we fly in faster planes to arrive there quicker, to do less and return sooner; we sign more contracts only to realize fewer profits; we talk too much; love too seldom and lie too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space; we’ve done larger things, but not better things; we’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less; we make faster planes, but longer lines; we learned to rush, but not to wait; we have more weapons, but less peace; higher incomes, but lower morals; more parties, but less fun; more food, but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort, but less success. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; drive smaller cars that have bigger problems; build larger factories that produce less. We’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, but short character; steep in profits, but shallow relationships. These are times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun; higher postage, but slower mail; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorces; these are times of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, cartridge living, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer, to prevent, quiet or kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stock room. Indeed, these are the times!”

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Dec 06 2012
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Articles, Feeling Good, Humor, Insight, Life, Mindfulness, Motivation, opinion, Optimism, People, Points to Ponder, Psychology, Relationships, Self Awareness, This & That, Thoughts

Nasty People…

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I wonder if nasty people know they’re nasty, or if they think they’re perfectly agreeable and good. Maybe they know they’re nasty, but don’t much care. I’d put nasty clown Donald Trump in that category.

I’m not talking about occasionally nasty people (I surely fit in that category). I’m talking full on nasty, 24/7. People who can’t utter a sentence without it sounding like they’re trying to put  you on the defensive.  People whose faces are perpetually scrunched into scowls, the corner of their mouths turned downward, their slitty eyes menacingly staring at you. These people are usually controlling and paranoid, too, a lovely combination that makes you want to scream.

If I put on my amateur psychiatrist hat, I think nasty people are all unhappy people, but not all unhappy people are nasty. I know a man (I’ll call him Robert) who ranks right up there in the ranks of nasties. Even after he had a major heart attack, he told someone I know that it “didn’t change him a bit.” If it wasn’t so pitiful, I’d laugh. Someone else I know, who is unhappy about being unemployed and can barely make ends meet, doesn’t have a nasty bone in her body.

The most effective way to deal with nasty people is to avoid them. If that’s not possible (let’s say you have to work with them), it’s wise to smile, kill them with kindness and not let them bother you, hard as it may be.

Nasty people usually get their comeuppance somewhere along the way.  But remember, that even if that doesn’t seem to be the case outwardly, chances are they’re suffering inwardly much of the time. It doesn’t make you like them a tad more, but it makes it a lot easier to suffer them!

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Nov 30 2012
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Articles, Change, Feeling Good, Happiness, Informative, Insight, Inspiration, Life Skills, Mindful Living Article, Motivation, O Magazine, Passion, Personal, Points to Ponder, Psychology, Self Awareness, Self Dialogue, Self Esteem, Self Inventory, This & That, Thoughts, Tips

Who Do You Think You Are? Why You’re in Control of Your Destiny…

By Mike Robbins

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If you had to sum up your life’s story, would you say it’s inspiring? Boring? Tragic? Realize that not only are you the main character in your life, but you’re also the author—only you can determine if you think your story is good and what the next chapter will be!

Sometimes when I’m about to take a big risk, go for something important or step out in a bold way in my life, a judgmental question will pop up in my head: “Who do you think you are?” Does this ever happen to you?

This is one of the many ways the feelings of not being good enough or of unworthiness show up in your life and get in the way of your success, fulfillment and authenticity. Sadly, as most of people know, this question doesn’t come from your true self; it comes from your “Gremlin,” the little monster in your head whose only job is to keep you out of perceived danger. The more you listen to your Gremlin, the more you allow him or her to sabotage your life.
However, this question, “Who do you think you are?”—while often asked in a negative, critical way and is something you allow to stop you from doing, saying and going for important things in life—is also a very important question for you to ask and answer honestly. When you look at it on deeper level, you see that your answer to this question has a lot to do with how you experience life in general.
How life is for you has a lot less to do with your circumstances or situations and much more to do with how you relate to them and the thoughts you have. Some of the most powerful thoughts you think and the ones that have the most impact on you are the thoughts you have about yourself (i.e., who you think you are).
Everyone has a story about themselves and their lives. These stories are often dramatic, funny, scary, inspiring, sad, intense, boring, enjoyable or tragic (usually a combination of many of these things). In most cases, the story you have changes a bit, depending on how you’re feeling about life and yourself at any given time.
One of the things you may sometimes forget, however, is that you’re the author of the story of your life, not just the main character. You may think that your story has to do with all the things that have happened to you, the qualities you were born with or have cultivated, the stuff you’ve done or haven’t done yet. But, when you remember that your story is a function of your thoughts, most specifically the thoughts you have about yourself, you can be empowered to consciously transform not just your story, but your life as a whole.

Here are a few things to think about and do to enhance your thoughts about yourself and therefore enhance your experience of life:

  • Notice when your feelings of being not good enough or of unworthiness show up.
    In other words, pay attention to when the question, “Who do you think you are?” stops you in your tracks and takes you out of the game of your life. When you’re able to notice this, be honest about and have some compassion for yourself, you can take your power back from your Gremlin in those moments and step more fully into who you really are.
  • Ask yourself more deeply, “Who do you think you are?”
    Go deeper with this question, beyond the judgment, and really inquire about how you relate to yourself. What’s your story? The more honest you can be about the story you have about yourself, the easier it is for you to acknowledge it, own it and ultimately change it. Remember, these stories are not “true”—they are simply your interpretations, judgments and beliefs. You created them, so you have the power to transform them at any time.
  • Upgrade your story about yourself.
    In the specific areas of your life where your story is not empowering, inspiring or fulfilling, see if you’re willing and able to “upgrade” it in an authentic way. This basically means you change your thoughts, words and feelings about your story in a genuine way. Because people often get so attached to their stories and tend to defend them passionately, this upgrading process can be challenging. It sometimes takes support, feedback and coaching from others in order for you to move beyond your story and remember that you have the power to upgrade it whenever you’re ready.

Who you think you are is one of the most foundational aspects of how you relate to life and yourself. As Henry Ford said in his famous quote: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This simple quote is so wise and profound. And, whether you think you’re great not, you’re always right—it’s a function of who you truly think you are.

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Nov 30 2012
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Articles, Insight, Inspiration, Life, O Magazine, Perspective

Moments When Life Is Looking-Glass Magical

Author extraordinaire Erin Morgenstern—and the genius behind The Night Circus—shows us those brief, unexpected times that elevate life into a mirror-shimmering otherworldliness that’s still undeniably real.

By Erin Morgenstern

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When It’s 3 a.m.
I like to call it nighttime brain: the way your mind seems to function on a different frequency than it does during daylight hours—which can be good or bad but also can lead to unexpected epiphanies or experiences that wouldn’t be the same at any other time of day. They say it’s darkest before the dawn, but it also tends to be quietest, and the quiet lets you hear yourself better.

When You Experience Kitchen Alchemy
You don’t have to be a chef or even a particularly good cook to experience proper kitchen alchemy: the moment when ingredients combine to form something more delectable than the sum of their parts. Fancy ingredients or recipes not required; simple, made-up things are usually even better. Apples made luscious with cinnamon and sugar and butter or fresh tomatoes drizzled with balsamic vinegar and sprinkled with sea salt. It tastes even better because you made it yourself.

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Oct 04 2012
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Authors, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Mindfulness, Passion, Perseverance, Photos, Psychology, Quotes, Randomness, Self Esteem, Success, This and That, Thoughts, Writing

There’s No Such Thing As An Uneventful Day…

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“Not one day in anyone’s life is an uneventful day, no day without profound meaning, no matter how dull and boring it might seem, no matter whether you are a seamstress or a queen, a shoeshine boy, or a movie star, a renowned philosopher or a Down’s-syndrome child. Because in every day of your life, there are opportunities to perform little kin

dnesses for others, both by conscious acts of will and unconscious example. Each smallest act of kindness—even just words of hope when they are needed, the remembrance of a birthday, a compliment that engenders a smile—reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this good echo, because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away. Likewise, each small meanness, each thoughtless expression of hatred, each envious and bitter act, regardless of how petty, can inspire others, and is therefore the seed that ultimately produces evil fruit, poisoning people whom you have never met and never will. All human lives are so profoundly and intricately entwined—those dead, those living, those generations yet to come—that the fate of all is the fate of each, and the hope of humanity rests in every heart and in every pair of hands. Therefore, after every failure, we are obliged to strive again for success, and when faced with the end of one thing, we must build something new and better in the ashes, just as from pain and grief, we must weave hope, for each of us is a thread critical to the strength—to the very survival of the human tapestry. Every hour in every life contains such often-unrecognized potential to affect the world that the great days and thrilling possibilities are combined always in this momentous day.”
― Dean Koontz, From the Corner of His Eye

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Aug 03 2012
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honesty, lies, Life, opinion, Relationships, Talking Points, This & That, Thoughts, toxic people, truth

I’ll Have The Truth Please. Something To Think About…

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If you are not honest in dealing with the people who care deeply for you in your life; the relationship is then built upon falsities and deceit. Nothing in life is harder to live down, undo, or do damage control for, than when it is born out of a lie. When we choose to lie to people, we are saying to them “I don’t trust you enough with my personal truth, and/or, I don’t trust your character enough to accept me fully, flawed and all. When we choose to lie, we cheat ourselves out of a life we were born to live.

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Jul 23 2012
2 Comments
Fashion, Humor, Life, Photos, Shoes, Sportswear, This & That

Fine Fins…

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For the woman who has everything…

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