Tag Archives: Personal

When Midlife Seems Just An Empty Plate

By GINIA BELLAFANTE

The New York Times

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IN her 23 years as a specialist in eating disorders, Dr. Margo Maine has received countless telephone calls from women worried that their teenage daughters might be dieting into a danger zone. But several years ago, Dr. Maine, a psychologist who runs an eating-disorders treatment program with a partner in West Hartford, Conn., noticed a shift in the telephone inquiries.

”Increasingly, our calls began to include a significant number of adults seeking help not for their children but for themselves,” Dr. Maine said. Some of those callers — women in their late 40′s and early 50′s — were relapsing after overcoming eating disorders in their youth, and others were experiencing them for the first time.

Naomi Burton Isaacs, a public relations executive in New York, had been obsessed about her weight most of her life, she said, but it was only at age 45 that her dieting grew extreme and she developed an addiction to laxatives. She swallowed 25 pills a day. Ms. Burton Isaacs, who is 5-foot-9, withered to 105 pounds.

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Letting Go…

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The following article hits especially close to home for me because many years now (decades actually); I have tried to have a loving relationship with my sister. It has been mostly a tiresome and extremely hurtful journey for me so recently I made the decision to let her go. I read something once that spoke to dysfunctional family relationships and it explained that just because people are your family, it does not give them the right (or allowance) to mistreat you & cross boundaries time and time again. This made perfect sense to me due to the fact I feel very strongly that family should care for you, love you unconditionally. Shouldn’t family members be a source of support, security and comfort and offer a safe place for you to fall when times get tough? I think so, and I have lived my life treating my sister as a precious gem only to be rejected by her time and time again. There have been times I have questioned what’s so wrong with me that my sister chooses to treat me so disrespectfully? Well, I now know that although I’ve not been perfect, I have given our relationship my all and then some. I am given out. I now have made the decision to sit back and what will be, will be. If she chooses to reconnect with me, I will always be there with open arms to welcome her back into my life; but the relationship we’ve carried on in the past is not an acceptable one. Boundaries will be set and therefore reinforced. I do pray our estrangement comes to an end with much hope, sooner rather than later.

 

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

~Unknown

 At the end of my first long-term relationship in college, when it was clear there was nothing left to salvage, I told a mutual friend that I “had to make it work.”

The idea of moving on seemed incomprehensible. I’d invested three years. We’d loved each other, laughed together; hurt each other, grown together. I was young and I made him my everything. How could I possibly let go of us when my own identity was inextricably wrapped in our pairing?

The friend told me I talked as if we were married with kids. I didn’t have to make it work. There was no good reason to stay other than my resistance to the pain of leaving.

How do you ever know when it’s time to walk away from anyone? It always feels so much safer to stay—in a friendship, a romance, and especially a relationship with a family member.

It’s hard to wrap our heads around the idea that love often means letting go. We can still have feelings for someone and recognize that the relationship is irreparable. Sometimes moving on is the best way to love ourselves.

It’s a choice to set two people free instead of continually reliving the same arguments, denying the same incompatibility, and opening the same wounds knowing full well they’ll only heal with time and space.

But the truth is there are no simple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed.

It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying.

But they also beget new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated.

How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good.

We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away.

 

Article

by

Lori Deschene

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More Insightful Quotes…

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The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.

— Hans Hofmann

Some people need a red carpet rolled out in front of them in order to walk forward into friendship. They can’t see the tiny outstretched hands all around them, everywhere, like leaves on trees.

— Miranda July

Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed.

— Maya Angelou

Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries.

— Theodore Roethke

[Kindness] is a most edifying form of instant gratification.

— Krista Tippett

To make any kind of progress, we need to imagine a different reality and believe it’s possible.

— Tali Sharot

The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.

— Emily Dickinson

Your time belongs to you, not your stuff.

— Peter Walsh

The secret of happiness is: Find something more important than you are and dedicate your life to it.

— Dan Dennett

The world ‘out there’ won’t change until the world ‘in here’ does.

— Deepak Chopra

Generosity is also an act of freedom, a casting off of the constraints of prudence and self-interest.

— Marilynne Robinson

Most dreams are also part reality (otherwise we wouldn’t believe them), and reality happens to be a condition that gives you plenty of chances through your life to rise to—no, soar through—the occasion.

— Leigh Newman

It’s in great joy that we grasp truth.

— Mark Leyner

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.

— Charles William Eliot

It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime.

— Steve Maraboli

There is somebody out there who gets it—it being you.

— Leigh Newman

You have to ask yourself, ‘Does this item or thought or response move me closer to my vision for my best life?’ If it does, great. If it doesn’t, what is it doing in your life?

— Peter Walsh

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

— James Baldwin

There are two types of people I will always remember at the end of my days; those who have been the kind to me and those that have been anything but kind to me.

-My Quote

Remember, what you focus on expands; results follow focus.

— Marcus Buckingham

Love—as grand and as great and as healing as it is—requires boundaries.

— Dr. Robin Smith

If you get, give. If you learn, teach.

— Maya Angelou

We’re the creators of our own experience—remembering this, and living our lives from this perspective, empowers us.

— Mike Robbins

There is a nobility in compassion, a beauty in empathy, a grace in forgiveness.

— John Connolly

Money should not cost you your joy

— Laurence G. Boldt,

You have to stop ‘going’ ‘doing’ and ‘chasing’ and start spending more time ‘being’ with yourself.

— Dr. Robert Holden

I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.

— Golda Meir

Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we’re doing, we’re always just doing what we’re doing, simply living this one moment of our lives.

— Norman Fischer

The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit.

— Jack Kornfield

Why you? Because there’s no one better. Why now? Because tomorrow isn’t soon enough.

— Donna Brazile

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Blogging, Personal, Change, Health & Fitness, Inspiration, Life, Passion, Random Thoughts, Self Awareness, This and That, Thoughts, Weight Loss, Diet, Fitness, Personal

An Update On A Lot To Lose…

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Today, I decided to take that dreaded step up onto the scale expecting to see the number higher than the last time I weighed myself and to my surprise I lost 4lbs! The past week and a half I’ve logged 27 miles of walking which I’m extremely proud of. I also started cooking each and every night, healthy, low calorie meals choc-full of flavor thanks to fresh herbs. I’ve sort-of reintroduced myself to my kitchen during this process because to be totally honest, I haven’t been cooking dinner for years. My husband has been the chef in the family and a fine chef he is, but I could see where we could tweak our diet here and there, cutting calories and enhancing the flavor of the food. It’s all coming together nicely and most importantly, it’s WORKING! I would like to close with leaving a picture of myself but I’m still not that brave, maybe next week

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Humor, Videos, Youtube, Insight, Life, Lists, Personal, Random Thoughts, Self Awareness, This and That, Thoughts

I Say Never…

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Now that I’ve entered middle age, it’s occurred to me that no matter how high the number of years I’ve lived increases there are a few things I can definitely say I’ll never do:

1.       I’ll never tire of hearing that I’m cute.

2.       I’ll never quit trying to be the best me I can be.

3.       I’ll never quit aspiring to get a bikini-worthy bod.

4.       I’ll never base my worth as a woman based on the number of a scale.

5.       I’ll never lose my inner childishness.

6.       I’ll never spend less than $20 bucks for a haircut unless I’d like to be scalped.

7.       I’ll never buy another convertible or (any car smaller then a Toyota Camry)

8.       I’ll never judge a book by its cover or anything else by its outward appearance.

9.       I’ll never enhance my face by any surgical procedure.

10.   I’ll never be able to whistle (I’ve tried! I’m convinced…).

11.   I’ll never wish to be anything other than a southern girl.

12.   I’ll never waste my time counting calories (life’s too short).

13.   I’ll never fly coach on a flight 10 hours or longer (I’ll save up to upgrade to premium)

14.   I’ll never run for President nor do I desire to.

15.   I’ll never turn down a trip to go anywhere, every place can be adventuresome.

16.   I’ll never say never after finishing this list…(laughing)… to be continued…

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Articles, Decisions, Informative, This and That, Thoughts, Tips

Decisions, Decisions…

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How to make tough, agonizing choices without a freak-out or meltdown.

 By Leigh Newman

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Out there in the vast, discombobulating world, I’ve noticed, there tend to be two types of decision makers. I bet you can tell me which of the two you are in about 3.48 seconds. Me? I’m a gunslinger. I make decisions so fast you can blink and you won’t see my choice. Which is exactly what I want to happen. I want the choosing to go down immediately—bang!—because I am terrified of not knowing what will happen and of not doing, in general. In fact, the wrong choice is preferable to doing nothing at all and simply considering all the options, because if I’ve ended up executing that wrong choice, at least I get to feel regret instead of panic.

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Random Thoughts, This and That, Thoughts, Weight Loss, Diet, Fitness, Personal

A Lot To Lose…

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I’m not one to post too much about my personal life on my blog; partly due to the fact that a personal diary was not my aim when I started this blog and partly due to my own shyness. However, with that being said, I thought I’d share a particular struggle I’m going through right now; a struggle that many can relate to I’m sure. A couple of months ago I became quite ill due to a disorder of the thyroid gland, called Thyroid Storm. Due to this disorder my body went through all kinds of strange changes which it’s since recovered from all that is but one of the changes which are the 20lbs I gained during this illness.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to moan and groan about how fat I’ve become, but I do want to share on a daily basis what I’m doing in order to lose this extra weight in hopes it’ll inspire someone else that may be dealing with this same issue. This brings me to the point of this blog post which is: I will be posting on a daily basis what I’m doing as far as a workout routine as well as my diet. It’d be cool if some of you would also share with me some mindful tips you have for caring for yourself as well… Wish me luck peeps! Have a beautiful day!

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Articles, Blogging, Personal, Insight, Inspiration, Journal, Journeys, Life, Love, Motivation, Personal, Perspective, Self Awareness, Social Issues, This and That, Thoughts

Letter From a Mother to a daughter…

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Letter from a Mother to a Daughter: “My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

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Articles, Body, Happiness, Insight, Inspiration, Journeys, Life, Mind & Soul/Spirit, Mindfulness, Passion, Personal, Self Awareness, Soul, This and That, Thoughts

What Does it Mean to Have Soul?

by Dr. Judith Rich

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Some people say we live in a “soulless” world, or they refer to a place as “having no soul.” What does it mean to have “no soul”? What does it mean to have soul?

Some people are called “lost” souls, some are “old” souls and some look for a soul mate. We have our soul brothers and soul sisters. What does it mean to share soul with someone?

How do you know if you’re in the presence of soul, be it in a place, in a person or even in a thing? Does art have soul? Does food have soul? Does music have the quality of soul?

The answer, of course, to all of these questions is “yes.” We could look upon everything in the world as either having that ineffable quality we call “soul” or missing whatever it is we think of as soul. But what does it mean to have soul? And how do you know if you’re in its presence?

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Articles, Happiness, Journeys, Life, Personal, Perspective, This and That, Thoughts

15 Things…

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How does one become a butterfly?” she asked. “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.

-unknown

 

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

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